I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Hippo gnu deer
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
