garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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