Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
