I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
