I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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