I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
