Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
