so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
