I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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