Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
