I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
