i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
