Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
