my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
