singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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