When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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