im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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