she smelled like a LAN party
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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