I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I just blew my weed a kiss
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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