Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
