Cold hands, warm shart.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
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