I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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