brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
