Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
