This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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