please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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