How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
