hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
