We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
