Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
