Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
well you can't waste a boner
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Holy shit dude........stairs
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
