I'm really into asian looking animals
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
