He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
