i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
