she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
