i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
