I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
