He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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