So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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