i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
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