My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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