Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize