I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
