this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
