You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
