I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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