so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize