You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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