she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
