he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
