ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
