Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
