i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
