I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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