I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
