AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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