Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
