just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm jealous of your bromance
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize