I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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