U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
