someone owes me an orgasm
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
