You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
