Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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