True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
