D3 body, D1 cock
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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