Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
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