So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
