Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
