I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
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