i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
