Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
