Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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