who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
