There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
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