So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
