I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
