It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm like, not good at living.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
