I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
