I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
