Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
