so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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