Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
