I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
