we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
