Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
