Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
