NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize